Bum Bum Bum… The Cheeky Thong Bikini Invasion

Opps, Thong Bikini Out Of Control

So why has a fashion garment that offers virtually no butt coverage, sticks up our butts, chaffs our inner cheeks “come on admit it girls, they do chaff sometimes after s swim”  makes us trim our pubic region like a freshly paved parking lot become so popular, well let’s see…A thong projects the impression that the bum, buttocks, backside, behind, rump, rear end, derriere, sitzfleisch, nates, or ok let’s just call them cheeks are much rounder than they really are, and also gives the illusion that our legs look longer… Hmm Works for me, I need all the help I can get… So in summary, a woman wearing a thong bikini, when viewed from the derriere, will seem to have a much rounder tush “In the words of ZZ Top” and longer legs.   

Some would say that “I love thong bikinis, the day they were invented, sunshine broke through the clouds”.  How about “Suns out Buns out.”, this one is my favourite, its my motto. Others would say that “Sometimes a thong completely betrays you.” Well that could be true too, I personally wear thong bikinis at  the beach and cottage on a regular basis, far from me to blame someone else or something else for getting myself into trouble from a jealous husband that I might or might not have but add a couple of cocktails, a little Spanish music and yup I could very well get myself in a little bit or a lot of kaka and I don’t mean the New Zealand parrot kind either “you can figure that one out for yourself” I mean the  Arabic, Russian, Spanish, Romanian, Hungarian, Hebrew and Albanian KAKA, big KAKA, Ok I am kidding, my husband loves me and loves my thong bikini collection, but yes, I do like wearing a thong bikini and yes it makes me feel sexy and oh yes flirtatious and add a couple of drinks and yup, it’s on, maybe the Spanish music is in my head, not sure about that one.

See What I Mean…Really
A Girls Got to Do What a Girls Got to DO

The thong itself has gained total acceptance today with the exception of a few miss-informed countries that shall remain nameless. Some would say in a short period of time, I on the other hand disagree.  It all started back in the beginning when woman needed something to cover their genitals, let’s face it the men needed their over the shoulder furry thing and carried a big club, woman were left with the small little scraps of fabric  and of course men can’t sew or take care of themselves  at the best of times so us woman were left with the leftover bits and pieces of leftover animal skin to make up something that would somewhat cover us.

 Then the thong disappeared until the great roman days. Oh yes the roman women, all with goddess like figures, perfect voluptuous bodies…you’ve seen the statues, I would like to see one of their models, I think I might even consider switching teams if I met one, if you get my drift. But supposedly they liked their thongs and g-string bikinis, it was a thing. When the Roman empire fell so did the thong, I think they threw out all of the roman women too because I have not seen to date any of those voluptuous model like figures walking around and I know they did not have photo-shop or photo-statue I guess in this case.

Jerry Hall and Lisa Taylor Wearing Thong Bikinis 1974
Dancer Wearing a Thong-Bikini 1939-New-York-World-Fair

 Now here is where it gets a little weird for me, history tells us that the thong bikini disappeared off of the face of the earth, yes totally gone, nowhere to be seen after the roman days. Really, ok here we go, I struggle with this one but it is told around campfires that the thong bikini was not a thing until mid 1974, now I was not born but it is told that a man, yes a man invented the thong bikini for the first time, he was a German fashion designer by the name of Rudi Gernreich….come on, a man really, invented the thong, I call bull on this one but hey who am I. To add insult to injury on this one, then the following year another man, yes another man apparently photographed two models Jerry Hall and Lisa Taylor “at least they were woman” wearing Rudi Gernreich’s new invention the thong bikini. So what you are trying to tell me is that no woman previous to 1974 sewed a version of a thong bikini, come on, really, give me a break, I refuse to believe that a man designed a thong bikini, I think the version he so called invented was a stolen version from a woman and patented it in 1974 for his own personal gain. Now that sounds more realistic to me, don’t you think ladies?

Ok wait, I forgot 1939, apparently in 1939, the thong / g-string made an appearance in the USA at the New York’s World’s Fair. Again another man decided that the nude dancers needed to cover up so he passed a law stating that the dancers had to cover up and so the thong made a brief appearance, so apparently this is when the thong made its first US appearance not in 1974, and likely it was a woman that designed it so she could keep working. Now this makes sense not the 1974 Rudi Gernreich version.

Me in a Thong Bikini
Me in my Thong

So I have rambled on and you don’t even know who I am, my name is Roni Jean, I am 29 years old turning 30 this coming Aug. 2nd 2021. I design swimwear and I wear what I design and only what I design which would explain why I wear thong bikinis so often.

I could tell you I have the perfect body, but I don’t, but I do like the one I got, for instance, I have relatively small boobs, but the twins are mine, all mine and they are 100% real, I am hippy, not a flower pot smokin hippie, I mean I have hips, now 10 years ago, this was an issue, today however, having hips and a booty is actually a good thing, By the way who in the hell decided to change the rules, imagine the frustration of all those girls that staved themselves to be skinny only to find out after they have all kinds of digestive issues that it is now in style to have thicker thighs, wider hips and larger buttocks but due to starving themselves, they can’t eat solid food to put on any wait. I myself like to run three times a week, 2 miles per run, no more, no less, I do indulge in the odd beer or cocktail, I could have smoked the odd joint along the way and far be it from me to judge anyone who eats french-fries, I can tell you there is a chip wagon near my office that has the most amazing fries and am on first name basis with the owner and cook. Did I mention I have a couple of dimples in my butt, yes they are cute little dimples but I always thought they were suppose to be on your face, I was blessed with dimples but on the wrong cheeks.

 I can tell you I have had bikini fails, yup we all have them, for example:

I was sitting in a lounge chair in a thong bikini with a bandeau top down in Mexico, I simply got asked if I wanted to play beach volleyball, well hell yes I want to play, I flew out of my chair leaving my bikini top hooked to the chair for all to see. Yup I bared the twins for all to see..

Keep an Eye Out for Polly Wogs

How about swimming in the surf and not even realizing your favorite string thong has come undone and is gone, yes gone, never to be seen again, A good piece of information that I needed at that very point was the fact that it was gone, I knew something was wrong from the pointing and staring as I walked out of the surf, the paved parking lot was apparently up for grabs if you know what I mean and there was no landing strip on that day, trust me..

Or worse yet, every woman has done this at one point or another, I was wearing a white party dress, decided a midnight dip in the pool after a beach party at our resort in my dress was apparently a thing and so in I went, yup in this case forgot the thong all together. Try and get back to your room in a soaking wet white dress with nothing on underneath that apparently was not see through before the dip in the pool is now completely see through now.

Strings Away
The Slider

The Creeper

This one always made my husband laugh because our first house was a tiny house with a small pool in the backyard with a chain link fence around it, this was back in 2014. My husband would laugh because our neighbor had the neatest most perfectly mowed lawn,  trimmed edges and perfect garden in his backyard. His front lawn on many occasions could have used a mowing. The reason for this was every time I went out to swim or lay in the sun in my tiny bikinis, he would come out and work in his backyard, priming and trimming everything in sight, thank god there was a fence or he might of tried to trim me too lol and to be honest I might have needed a trimming on a couple of those occasions, I am far from perfect.

Maybe I Should Have Mowed My Grass In My Thong Bikini..Can You Imagine..Note Pic is NOT of Me…I Wish LOL

But hey it’s all good, let’s face it ladies, thong bikinis offer our bodies freedom, we feel great when we wear them, as much as our boyfriends, special friends partners or in my case husband get a little crazy when we wear them, they also love them, it’s a love hate relationship, were woman, we need to keep our partners on their game and on their toes and let me tell you from experience, that tiny thong bikini carries a lot of horsepower when it comes to keeping your better half in line.

So in conclusion, this post is just a whole lot of embellished verbal diarrhea on the topic of the thong bikini. We have covered everything from parking lots and landing strips to tushes and mowed lawns. I love my bikini collection. We now have a new home with a very private backyard,  when I am feeling blue I will actually put on a thong bikini and lay out in the sun by the pool, it makes me feel good, sexy beautiful, special…It’s all about me, as is this article, isn’t that the way its suppose to be.

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